What is romance? Hearts, flowers, chocolates and so on?
I find empty romantic gestures, just that, empty. So what counts as real romance? For me, it is about those gestures that show someone listens and cares and is paying attention to you and your needs.
What might that look like?
I think in reality romance is when someone really cares about you as a person and not just in relation to them. A romantic gesture I got from an ex-boyfriend when in the grips of severe depression was him standing at the bottom of the stairs every time I went for a shower after I told him I wanted to jump down the stairs so I had a physical manifestation of how broken I felt inside. Seeing him there reminded me that I was loved, that he cared and that he wanted me to be okay. It still chokes me up to remember, and may, in fact, have been one of the reasons that relationship lasted about 14 months longer than it probably should have.
For some romance will be coffee in bed in the morning, flowers in the evening, gifts for starting a new job, chocolates for valentine’s day. I have always said I want a card more than chocolates for valentine’s day as it is words I want more than things (and I really do love chocolates). Everyone is different and so getting the right romance means both you and your romantic partner need to be in sync when it comes to working that out.
I’m not sure I have ever been good at doing romantic things. I tend to show love in dull practical ways. I’ll make sure you are well fed, and warm and fret about your layers on cold days. I’ll cuddle close and kiss and tell you that you’re weird because I don’t trust fancy proclamations and don’t expect you to either. I’ll tell you that you need to drink more water and worry if you are sick. I guess my way of being romantic comes down to showing you that I want you to be alive and happy and looked after. I think that is the combination I want too.
I do like flowers though. But I can and will buy my own.